My Arrival

Hey World, I have arrived.  For those who don’t know, I have been chillen for the past 37 weeks in my Mom’s tummy.  My time behind this human barrier was far from ideal.  Apparently, according to some unwritten rule, I am supposed to flip upside down so that my head is facing my Mom’s feet.  What a load of crap.  I simply had no interest in making such an acrobatic move. My reasoning was two fold.  For one, to flip, a baby must posses coordination, this skill is simply not in my genetic make up.  I mean seriously, have you met my father?  Secondly, to accommodate for this flip, at least 5 percent of my living space would need to be composed of my own urine.  Really?  Who wants to swim in their own pee?  I tell you, people and their ridiculous expectations.    Needless to say, instead of flipping, I kept myself busy by playing musical toilet with my mother.  Its a great game, a game that I sadly can longer play, now that I’m earthified.  The rules are simple.  Baby kick Mom’s bladder until Mom is forced to sit down. If baby can make Mom sit down before 4 hours have passed, the baby wins! I got really good.  As of July 1st I was pretty much winning every hour. Unfortunately, I never got a chance for a celebratory exit lap through the tunnel of awesome… Believe you me, Doctors just shit on fun.

Anyways, on Thursday July 17, Mom and Dad went to the Doctors to try and force me to flip.  Ummmmm, like I was going to let that happen.  As you can probably guess, despite the Doctor’s best efforts, I didn’t budge.   After the attempt, I can remember Mom saying, “He is a Stubborn Little Shit.”  After Mom’s comment, the Doctor  informed my parents that the Stubborn Little Shit was putting himself in danger and needed  to be extracted from his too tiny swimming pool via C-Section immediately.  

Look, I was 37 weeks.  I had no clue who this little shit was and certainly did not understand why the Little Shit needed to be extracted  What I did know though, is after 37 weeks, I was not going to stick around to find out.  I was ready to head towards the tunnel.  I even let Mom know I was coming by breaking her water dam. Yet, despite my warning, four hours after the Doctor tried to play Tetris with my body, he pulled me from my Mom’s tummy.  I have since learned that living right-side-up and disliking urine pools is unsafe.  Doctors, what to they know?

Regardless, outside of an A-Hole snipping my junk, life in the real word is pretty cool.  My days consist of sleep, boobs and snuggles.  I look forward to meeting you all soon.  The new man in town,

Anderson (Ace) Thomas Ridder (6 Pounds, 7 Ounces and 19 Inches of pure awesome.)